We Love Our Lyme Doc

We love our Lyme doc. We just got back from the quarterly trip to see him. It’s a crazy place ... small, modest quarters, full of people ... Ron and Jim the nurses, Kathy the receptionist, Misha and Yvonne the other docs, ... and lots of really really sick people.

But not as sick as they were. In the waiting room are people from Canada, Chicago, Montana, Washington ... some of them had moved there in order to be treated by this doctor. I asked one young woman, who had moved there from Chicago, “Are you getting better?” “5 months ago I couldn’t have carried on a conversation with you” she said.

Then there is Steve, the Lyme doctor. “Kathy!!” he says: “Bring me more sick people!!.” He examines L., asks questions, listens and looks. He revises the treatment plan and looks her in the eye: “You can get better,” he says firmly. “I know you’re not diggin it now ...you have a ways to go, but you will get better.”

We believe him. Please, God, we believe him.

Someday, these people – Steve and Ron and Jim and Misha and Yvonne – will be recognized as the pioneers they are, tenaciously treating a pernicious, misunderstood disease, dismissed and even persecuted by the larger medical community – and literally giving people back their lives. In the meantime, we are grateful.

A Little Doggy Message

This morning my prayers included this:
"Thou that knowest our thoughts, make Thyself known to our hearts."

A month ago, a kind stranger gave my daughter this dog to be her friend

and companion. His official name is "Legacy Custom Made". She called him "Gabriel". He is perfect for her - sits on her lap, sleeps on her bed, keeps her company.

Yesterday he had to have some dental work done. The bill came to $780. Yes.

Today a couple from church called and asked if we would let them cover Gabe's vet bills. (And didn't retract the offer when they heard how much it was yesterday!) God sent the dog. And then He sent the money to keep him.

I know  that the way God has finally made Himself known to us was on the cross, which event we remenber today. But, strangely enough, today it was through a little doggy, and the generosity of others, that He made Himself known to my heart.

A Birthday Gift for Me

I got a little birthday gift yesterday. My friend Shana called to say that she and Tyler are engaged. I love Shana. She is a treasured friend – I love her enthusiasm, and her ideas, and her clarity of thought. It pleases me more than I can say to think of Tyler seeing her and loving her.


The call came at a particularly despairing moment. I was realizing how thin my devotion to Jesus really is. At this point, I can’t honestly say I want transformation, or glory, or the kingdom. I just want this present circumstance to be over. That is all I want right now. Relief.

But with Shana’s call, I was reminded that she loves me for myself, as I do her . She is in my heart, as I am in hers. Her happiness is mine. And I was reminded of this quote by Bernard of Clairveaux ( a great lover of God): “Brethren, let us take heart again! Even if we are nothing in our own hearts, perchance something of us is hidden in the heart of God.”


In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us...

Deep Heavenly Gold ... continued

Anticipating that some might quarrel with the use of the word friendship in the last post ... let me elaborate.

When Laurie was in the process of leaving this life, friends were gathered around her bed for days (and nights.) She could no longer speak or move, and she didn’t look too good. But each time one of us came into or left the room, we went to her and kissed her, patted her hand, rubbed her feet, spoke to her. We remembered her, saw her, recognized her – not for anything external – but for who she is as a person. We treasured her, in our minds and conversation. We looked at Laurie, and we saw her.

None of us thought she was somehow perfect. But she was herself, unique. And we each had a unique relationship with her. There were many others who knew her, and some who were much closer to her (pause, as I refrain from saying uncharitable things ...) who never really saw her.

What was so evident in that hospital room was love/friendship. To be known in this way, I think was Laurie’s deepest desire. That was how she saw people. The reason her little gifts and jokes were so treasured is that they were so individualized – so personal – coming out of her knowledge of us. (When she gave me a t-shirt that said “Not My Problem”, she knew exactly why I needed that t-shirt!!)

That is what God is after too. He is a person (not The Force!) and his intention is for friendship – with us, and for us with one another. Mutual recognition ... enjoyment ... treasuring ... and maybe even private jokes and secret gifts. Yes .... I am sure of it.

Deep Heavenly Gold

I am contemplating the death of my friend.


Contemplation is not just thinking. It comes from the Latin root con (with) and temple (a place set apart for observation). It is to consider, observe, ponder.

I find that our normal mode is to envision or anticipate what we think ought to be. We have in our minds a narrative of what would be good, or right, or happy. I had a narrative about Laurie – what I wanted to happen. That’s not what happened. Instead, I am seeing a different narrative unfold.

God never – yes, I think that is not too strong to say – never operates on the basis of the narrative we have constructed. Instead He acts – and our part is to consider, to contemplate – those actions. He is not an idol, fashioned by us to do what we want. (see Isaiah 40)

One reason for that, I suspect is that we are after different things. We want to “fix” people. God, on the other hand is after love, or since that is an overused word – friendship.

Sometimes we try and force the facts to fit our narrative. But, as Laurie said, “Beauty lies in the true story.” I want to contemplate the true story. As I do, I am seeing something richer, deeper, more profound than the story I had in mind.



"Christian contemplation only starts when the deep heavenly gold begins to glint through the turbulent surface of earthly affairs."

Hans Urs von Balthasar

To be continued ...

My Everyday Friend

Laurie was my Every Day friend... the one who knew what kind of a day I was having and what I needed from the store. For the last few years we have accompanied each other through hard things and wrestled with the hard questions together, like 2 wobbly skaters who hold each other up. She always made me laugh - in the midst of the most difficult situations, she had something funny to say. She had so many losses in the last 3 years - her beautiful curly red hair, 4 inches of height, her beloved horse, and even her husbands presence - but she was so courageous and resilient.


Over the past 2 days, I got to sit at her bedside with other friends. We all had heard of one another ... but we were from different eras, different contexts of Laurie's life. We laughed and told Laurie stories and cried and rubbed her feet and kissed her and told her how we loved her. It was a sacred time, full of "sharp sorrow and great wonder" as my friend Gwen described such a time. I hope that when I die, I can be accompanied to the threshold by my women friends as Laurie was.

I have lost my skating partner.

Holy Week at the Hospital: Reflection

Thy life on earth was grief, and thou art still
Constant unto it, making it to be
A point of honour now to grieve in me,
And in thy members suffer ill.
They who lament one cross,
Thou dying daily, praise thee to thy loss.

George Herbert
Sent from my iPod